Why do parents feel that teaching their children lies about their other parent wins? Ok so you don't like your ex. I don't either. But, I never spoke a bad word about him in front of my children. There are so many people who don't work out. It became the norm for so many years. Do you know what talking bad about another parent breaks down your child. People have told them oh you have your dad's nose or your moms eyes. Well great if dad says that mom is a bad person......you have her eyes..then you are a bad person.
I remember being a child. I grew up away from both parents. I wasn't told a lot of bad things about my parents but I was told some bad things. My grandmother told me my mom was a liar. She told me that her mother was a liar as well. That they couldn't help it they just lied about everything. To this day I can't lie. I get so uncomfortable I will tell whoever I am trying to lie to that I am lying within a few minutes. I hate people who lie and I won't stand for it in my life. It created an obsession to me. If I don't like then I am not like them. I am not bad. Ok well yeah lying is a bad thing, but I mean there are times you need to and I can't. IE: Surprise party. I avoid that person until the party. I don't want to lie to them.
Recently I spoke with someone that I haven't talked to in years. I moved away from CT years ago. January of 2008 to be precise. I found out that right after I left he was accused of sexually molesting his daughters by his ex. Ok so, is anyone capable of this yes. Absolutely, but here is what I know. During the time this was supposedly happening, she wasn't letting him see the kids. They were also too busy to see him. I also know that during this time she was going to the bars A LOT and she was also dating random men and bringing those kids to their house with her when I (yes I) wouldn't be able to watch them. I cancelled more plans than anything to watch those girls so she wouldn't traipse them around to some other guys house afraid for exactly that situation. So, if you ask me if I think that the girls were molested by someone. Probably. Do I think it was their dad. Probably not. She had multiple boyfriends over that period and I can't say how many times she didn't call me to baby sit. I should admit that about 4 months before I moved the two of us stopped talking. You see there were other issues that made me other protective of these girls.
I had heard recently that she had been seen at a party doing coke. She is a recovering addict. So when I heard she was seen doing it. I definitely approached her. I was fearful she would lose her girls to state services. Do you know she looked right at me and said so what I don't do it when they are around. I called her mom and left messages trying to get help for her but got no responses. She probably was deleting the messages. When I said I was going to call DCF I was threatened. Period. Not dealing with that. I made sure other people knew what was going on and did not risk my children being taken over her lies. I had seen it happen too many times. Families that have done nothing wrong encounter a good liar and poof their kids are gone.
I am heartbroken and have been since I heard the stories. But I am more heartbroken that these girls are still in counseling and one of them even has said their mom told them what to say. They are now teenagers and they know right from wrong. One of them has a good head on her shoulders and was old enough to know reality from their mothers lies but the other one she was too little and she only remembers what she was told an she is so confused right now being told different stories by her sister as her sister is trying to break free. It sucks completely. She wanted the girls all to herself she said that many times but this was NOT the way to do it.
I sincerely hope as parents you realize that yes you may get control over the children and you may not have to deal with your ex any more, but dang it what about the children affected by your lies? Lying. Horrible thing.
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